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 Dear
Isabella,
We make a point of having weekend
meals with our children, but my husband refuses to use his napkin.
He feels that it is unnecessary as he is not a messy eater. I
think that it is important for the kids to learn proper table
manners, which includes knowing what to do with a napkin. What
do you think?
S.J., Portland
Dear S.J.,
You lucky woman, you have clearly
managed to find yourself an honest-to-goodness Neanderthal. Did
you not notice this prior to the wedding day? Were the jutting
brow, trailing knuckles and grunting not sufficient clues? Of
course you should use napkins! It isn’t a matter of whether people
are messy eaters or not. A napkin is not a bib. It is an item
that is available to dab the corners of your mouth, if needed,
and is an intrinsic element of a properly set table. The napkin
should be neatly folded to the left of the forks, and should be
laid in the lap once all the guests have been seated.
I applaud your efforts to instruct
your children in proper dining habits, though you may be fighting
a losing battle if the prehistoric relic is expressing his erudite
opinions at the table. I do have to wonder, though, where do your
children eat during the rest of the week? Are they sent out to
forage alone, or do they join their father in gnawing on last
week’s mammoth bones?
Dear Isabella,
We have regular dinners with a
couple who live nearby. I pride myself on being an excellent cook,
but Sharon (not her real name) commented the other day on the
fact that I almost always serve pasta as a side dish. I explained
that pasta is easily adaptable to almost any kind of meal, but
she implied that it was boring. I always regarded pasta as a sophisticated
addition to any meal. Who is right?
Jean, Columbus, OH
Dear Jean,
Neither of you. First, your neighbor
is being inexcusably rude by even bringing up the issue. (I am
assuming that by “regular meals” you mean once every couple of
weeks or so and not every night.) It is never appropriate for
a guest to criticize a dinner to which they have been invited.
On the other hand, the fact that pasta comes in a variety of shapes
and sizes does not alter the fact that it is still pasta and serving
it at every single meal is a little excessive.
While we’re on the subject, no
food can be regarded as intrinsically “sophisticated”; it is what
we do with it that makes it interesting or dull. I suggest you
explore some other foodstuffs for the carbohydrate element in
your meals, perhaps you should start with the potato – one of
the simplest foods around, yet one capable of an astonishing variety
of presentations.
By the way, has it ever occurred
to you that your “regular dinners” are not social occasions at
all, but merely excuses for the two of you to quietly one-up each
other? I can only begin to imagine how much your respective husbands
must look forward to these little soirees.
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